I´ve got a man in my bed,

He has got a tattoo which looks like Jack Nickholson

He sleeps naked and I think, who the hell is he

Not the prince from my fairytales,

Not the one I´m gonna passionately fall in love with

So I get up quiently, dress up in the staircase.

 

My mom calls me to say hello and she tells me

how nice it would be if I´d come to see her,

but I know too well, I´d hear the same words again.

 

I gotta get out of this place,

I gotta get out of here.

Last night I visited Tommy. There were also Luca, Noora, Maija, Ville and Anni. We had great time watching movies and talking. I was very tired, but I just had to stay awake. I came home 05.45... But that´s  another story... and yes, a wild one, too.

I need enough pain so that even the smallest joys in my life appear bigger. I need to see enough rain to appreciate the sun even more. But yes, I do need enough happiness to keep my spirit alive.

"You think blondes do it better... it´s because you´ve never had a redhead."

There is just some magnetic in this colour. But it´s not about the colour - it´s all about the passion.

Got melanocortin 1...? Carrot tops are green, Einstein!

I´ve been where I´ve been and I´ve seen what I´ve seen, I put the pen to a paper ´cos it all a part of me. I said what I meant and I never pretended.

I don´t care what is said and written about me... as long as it isn´t true. Oh well, in a way I´ve started to live in memories, ´cause at the moment there´s nothing happening. I don´t have any money, my work will start in the end of this month, and all my nearbyes are so far away. I can´t study, just because I don´t have the right books. I don´t have enough money to buy them. I just hate this.

Fucking a why can´t I be a little child again? Well okay, I gotta confess I´m counting days till my b-day, ´cos my life may change a bit when I´m grown-up. So, it´s 4 weeks to go now. I guess I have to see if it´ll change something. At least, I´ll get a driving license (I own a car already), and I´ll have better possibilities to get work.

Sometimes I wanna kill, sometimes I wanna die, sometimes I wanna destroy, sometimes I wanna die. Life is hard... And after all it kills you.

In fact I am a dope sick girl. And this dope sick girl gotta rig and ride to New york city... gonna run away, gonna watch it burn in the heart of New york city. Oh yes, I stole his money and spirits, 87 dollars gone... and some whiskey, too. Oh yeah that´s what I did.  Behind every bitch there's a man who made her that way.

Deep inside we all are somebody, no matter what we wanna be. But oh yes, we insist on doing what we wanna do.

They say whatever doesn´t kill us will only make us stronger. Now, the only way I can console myself is that I am learning something new from these mistakes. So... they are not going to happen twice. There are lots of questions going around my head - questions I´m afraid of knowing the answers. Bloody hell, I don´t want them to be answered.

I think I should feel something, but yet... I don´t seem to feel anything. Staring at the window feels as entertaining as hanging around with my friends. At the moment nothing matters to me and nothing seems to be worth of fighting. No one I know can seem to help me now.

 

You gotta fight for me, oh yes you have to do,

´cos I´m too good for you.

If this is what is takes, I will be there.

Most of my nearbyes already know I´m absolutely insane. No matter how inseparable I am with my friends, I feel in the back of my head that someday they are going to leave me anyway and we´re gonna forget each other in any case. I adore people who are able to speak about their feelings, ´cos no one can read minds and so if no one is going to say what´s wrong, nothing will figure out.

I´ve discovered not every relationships is meant to be a deep connection. Some people are just meant to be your freetime friends, some are meant to be your business friends - not your best friends. Well, ranting about these things doesn´t really get me anywhere but more overwrought.

Most of my friends feel the same hell, we don´t even have ourselves to blame.

I´ve spoken up so many times about one difficult relationship that I don´t have any words left to say about it anymore. I´ve suffered so much because of it by now, that right now the only thing I wanna do is to forget about it. I´ve just had enough of stuff. I quess I just have to wait and see what happens... And don´t forget I´ve just let the things happen.

As if I don´t have enough stressing me out, I have to pay douplerent this month.

Hell, I´m totally addictet to talking about myself.